


Insider knowledge

by Tedah



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Crossdressing Harry, Don't copy to other sites, Dramatic Draco Malfoy, Established Relationship, Fluff and Crack, Jealousy, M/M, Misunderstandings, Pansy Parkinson is a Good Friend, cruel but good, mentions, somewhat established
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-04
Updated: 2019-06-04
Packaged: 2020-04-07 22:57:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,061
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19094749
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tedah/pseuds/Tedah
Summary: Draco and Harry have been dating for a while and Pansy is very supportive of her friend, now if only she could explain how she got so much insider knowledge on Harry...





	Insider knowledge

**Author's Note:**

> This was sparked by a shower thought and the subsequent brainstorming session on the drarry discord. It's utter nonsense but it's fun.
> 
> Thank you to @orpheous87 for betaing and all the wonderful enabling goblins on the discord that grew a simple random thought into this.

“So you didn’t get any last night.” Pansy grinned when Draco finally showed up for their Sunday brunch. Every time it got funnier and funnier. He’d been dating Potter for months now and they had yet to get anywhere further than heavy petting. The most fun was to be had on the Sundays directly following date night. 

Draco hated Pansy, he wasn’t sure why he insisted on keeping her as a friend. She was horrible to him, a truly appalling friend, taking delight in his plight of celibacy.

“How would you know?” He asked petulantly, sitting down at their favorite table. “Maybe I left Potter entirely debauched in my bed to come here,” he argued.

“For starters, you’re walking way too straight to have gotten a good dicking last night,” she started. “Secondly, I know your love for me is ineffable but given Potter’s dick, you would have never left him in your bed to come here.” She counted on the tip of dark emerald fingernails, “and lastly you’re too much of a hedonist to pass on morning sex.”

“What do you know about Potter’s dick?” Draco raised an eyebrow.

“As we stand, more than you. Is he too much of a gentleman to put out on the -what is it? seventh?- date?” she teased.

“Maybe. But now I’m more interested in learning how exactly you got familiar with the Golden Dong.” He leaned closer. “Spill.” He tapped a finger on the table.

“The golden dong? Seriously? You haven’t seen it yet and you already have a name for it?” Pansy flipped her hair back. “I only know what Fleur told me,” she shrugged nonchalantly.

“What does SHE know about it?!” Draco’s voice wasn’t taking a hysterical edge. It was a tone of masculine shock at the thought of Fleur Delacour and Harry getting insider knowledge about each other’s unmentionables.

“Pretty much all there is to know. He’s gifted in length and girth, not crooked but left leaning. Apparently Bill agrees that ‘Arry looks smashing in lace underwear.” Pansy continued, leaning heavily into Fleur’s french accent, an innocent smile on her face as she watched Draco have a silent meltdown at the information he just received and the implications of it.

“Bill Weasley?” he whispered “And lace underwear?” he asked, the mental picture a little bit too much to handle first thing in the morning with no coffee or champagne in his system. “How? When?” he floundered. It had to be after the wedding. Did Harry have a threesome with them that he never mentioned? The image stirred a wave of jealousy that made him grit his teeth, he could compete with Fleur, or with Bill, but the two of them combined…

Pansy was laughing at him openly, the hag. Couldn’t she see he was in serious distress? “Don’t get your panties in a twist, Draco,” she chuckled, taking pity on him. It was a tad cruel.

“It wasn’t my panties we were discussing, and apparently you know more about my boyfriend’s cock than me, as well as his choice in underwear.” He slammed a hand down on the table. “That’s it, I’m going to rectify this right now.” He stood and left without even touching his mimosa.

* * *

 

Two hours later, Draco was lying naked on the rug of Grimmauld Place’s sitting room, sated and utterly debauched. Harry was propped up on an elbow, smiling down at him, his hair sticking to his sweaty forehead.

“Can I ask what brought this on? Not that I’m complaining, mind you, just curious.”

Draco sighed. “Jealousy,” he admitted. All his wits had been fucked out of him, very skillfully, by a non-crooked, left leaning cock and he was entirely unable to come up with a suitable lie.

Harry’s eyebrows made that adorable confused frown “Of Ginny? You have nothing to be jealous of, we haven’t been together for...”

“Not Ginevra. Fleur Delacour and Bill Weasley.” 

Harry’s frown only deepened. “What exactly is there to be jealous of?” he asked. He had a good enough relationship with them but Bill wasn’t even his favorite Weasley, it would make much more sense to be jealous of… Ron? Or George, Ron was entirely too smitten with Hermione to be posing any kind of a threat, imaginary or otherwise.

“Apparently Bill thinks you look smashing in lace underwear and, while I’m inclined to think he’s right, I’d like to know when and how he came to that conclusion, since I didn’t get the chance to collect scientific evidence in support of that theory. Or how Fleur came to know which direction your cock leans.”

Realization slowly dawned on Harry’s face and he collapsed, giggling like a child. Draco crossed his arms and stared at him expectantly until he composed himself and gave a convincing explanation. 

“Well?” Draco demanded once Harry had gathered himself a bit. Harry chuckled for a moment, earning himself a glare.

“It’s not what you think,” he finally got out, pushing himself up to sit, leaning against the couch.

“I fail to see how many different things it could be,” Draco pouted, rearranging himself to lay his head on Harry’s thigh. He could totally stare him down menacingly from that position and look imposing while Harry petted him.

“During the war, there was a moment I had to move from my relatives’ place to a more secure location and to ensure safe travel a bunch of Order members Polyjuiced themselves as me to throw off suspicion,” he explained, slowly running his fingers through Draco’s hair. “Each of them would travel with an escort and in different directions, you know, divide and conquer. One such person was Fleur, who was paired with Bill. When she took the potion, she was wearing her own clothes and that was how Bill got to see my ass in women’s underwear and she got familiar with my dick, along with five other people.”

“That’s the story?” Draco asked.

“You really think I could come up with something that ridiculous on the spot?” Harry replied with a fond smile.

“You’re not having secret threesomes with a married couple?” Draco narrowed his eyes up at him.

“I’m not.” Harry assured. “Never have.”

“Good.” Draco nodded satisfied.

“But I do have my own lace underwear now. Some Bill has never seen.” Harry mentioned, grinning when Draco gasped, almost choking on his own breath.

**Author's Note:**

> Did you laugh?  
> Be a pal, share the happiness with a comment down there or come over to [my tumblr](https://tedahfromtayla.tumblr.com/) for a chat.


End file.
